Temptation 101

*Note: Found this in one of my journals. I'm so proud of myself.
Originally written last October 21, 2009
9:30pm Wedenesday

It's been a week since I wrote here. So many things happened in a week! Like, I went to the city for three consecutive days. A big deal because I HATE going to the city. Really. Quite unbelievable for I studied there since I was in high school. I AM NOT A CITY GIRL. Alright. Enough of city talk. Things happened. Yes, a lot of happenings of sort. 

What is really boggling my mind? Oh gawd. NA (*initials), my college batch mate's boyfriend confessed that he had a crush one me back in high school. What?!! Oh.I noticed him back then but he was a junior. I found him a KID. I was flattered. Mixed feelings. At the same time, I was wondering if he was being honest or he was just playing games with me. I kinda played on, wanted to know the truth.

He told me he would break up with my batch mate for me (they were together for 2 yrs and I'm in a good 4-year relationship). I told him he is TOO LATE because I am engaged. That I'm very sure I love Gabby so much.

If we were in high school, who knows? BUT- today is the present. Present. I'm not fond of dwelling in the past.

I just cant hurt Baby like this just because I want to play a stupid game with someone whom I'm not sure I can trust. What an INDECENT proposal! NA asked if we can have a secret relationship since Gabby is not here (he is on board, working) and he wouldn't find out anyway. 

Like, hello?! the idea of infidelity thrilled me. BUT I JUST CAN'T DO IT. I cant indulge myself in such thing. A MORTAL SIN in a relationship as I perceive it. I put myself in my batch mate's and Gabby's shoes- IT WOULD HURT BIG TIME. I know that. I do not want Gabby to do the same thing to me! 

What a freakin' major TURN OFF! I pity his girl friend.I'M SURE THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME HE DID THIS TO HIS GF. I'M SURE OF IT. I BELIEVE IN MY INTUITIONS, I CAN FEEL THE VIBES. Goodness. Too late NA, though you are quite cute- I belong to Gabby. He owns me. SEALED. TAKEN.

I kept thinking about it actually and told my best friend about it.  Shocking. I didn't see this coming. I won't play silly games.

I was ALMOST tempted, almost gave in. But I just can't do it! I just love Gabby so much that I can't hurt him big time. He doesn't deserve to be fooled. I'm secured with him, we have a wonderful God-centered relationship. I WON'T RUIN IT.

I feel so proud of myself because I didn't gave in, yes, I didn't. My conscience will eat me if ever. I won't let that happen.

*I LOVE GABBY AND I WON'T HURT HIM. THIS EXPERIENCE MADE ME REALIZE THAT I REALLY AND TRULY LOVE HIM.

*I WON'T TRUST ANY OTHER MAN BUT HIM.

*I WILL LOVE HIM MORE AND MORE.

*I will ALWAYS remember our 5 Pillars of Relationship:

      LOVE.  TRUST.  PATIENCE. LOYALTY.  FAITH

The Verdict?

I told Gabby about it. I had to tell him. I always let him know , he is my confidante. :)

NA's gf knew about it through a common friend.I don't know what exactly happened but they are still together up to now.

footsy ball

I miss our games. I miss this sport. :(

my college team mates. 

hope we can play again. soon. 

I can still remmeber this day, though I forgot the date. Uhm. Whatever. :D

This is Afy's first time ever to play football! Yes. It was fun. 

I miss the football games and softball too. 

Oh college days. 

Loathing Dengue

Sept 3, 2010.

This date marks as one of the saddest moment of my life as a nurse to date. 

The 12 hour shift at the St. Francis Ward (aka Dengue Ward)/ Annex was not toxic. Well, as compared to the General Ward where all our doctors were there reviving a patient who has dengue. Oh gawd. Dengue. Intubation and all. Epinephrine? That case of the patient could be that worse having that scenario. Tsk..

It was hard to stare at the patient's folks wailing. Crying. I wondered who's child could he be.

Later in the afternoon, an hour before my off--I was asked if I'd be willing to be an SP for that patient. I couldn't say NO to our chief nurse. I wanted to say no and about to say no (because it would turn out that I'll be on duty for another 12 hours, making me alert, alive and enthusiastic for the whole 24 hours!) when a lady, obviously post crying, told me to stay with her child and be on guard--as a nurse. A private one. Or an SP.

I know this lady, but I and it took me a while to remember! My aunt's co-teacher, a dear friend of hers. I didn't know she's the mother--he is their ONLY child. HOW CAN I SAY NO? Alright. They said he was getting stable--a whole lot better hours ago. 

The patient is just 6 y.o. Intubated, ambu-bagging ongoing. GCS 3 with lots of IV fluids and drips and an NGT to drain. The cardiac rate wa good but teh BP was 40 palpatory. (Oh.draining to coffee ground like discharges--bleeding. Yes.) I was so sad, so touched. Hearing the parents words, seeing the family cry. I PRAYED. 

I was so tired and sleepy and wanted to go home but I can't. i shouldn't. I didn't let my SELFISHNESS win.

I started monitoring him from 7pm, ambu bagging, neuro VS monitoring--helping carry out doctor's orders. The only vital signs that was not stable was his BP--still at 40 palpatory. I did my best to show my care, after all, I know his parents. I urged his grand parents to talk to him, to keep talking because he can still hear them eventhough he is in coma. That was hard. 

His blood is hemolysing. Blood oozed on his previous IV sites and fresh blood is draining in his NGT. He was getting worse. I hate this. I hate this. Our doctor asked his mother to request FFP for transfusion. I injected Vit K.

Around 10:30pm. I cant appreciate his cardiac rate anymore! Even his BP. He became pale. Gawd. I called our staff and got the ECG machine at the ER. The family members were rushing in, crying, bothered and all.

Epinephrine. CPR. What a scene.The ECG was printing asystole--flat line.Almost a flat line. Very sad. I was teary-eyed while we were reviving him. His father told me to stop it--to just let go. But I didn't stop until the 2nd or 3rd time I was told to stop the ambu-bagging. That was it. God bless him. I closed my eyes and prayed.

It was very hard for the family--they did their best and so as we, the medical team.

I tried to control my emotions.I was teary eyed. It was the saddest moment I have witnessed. An only child, lively and very caring passed away because of dengue. The most severe one. Dengue Shock Syndrome.

I HATE DENGUE. I LOATHE IT. 

Dengue shock syndrome: A syndrome due to the dengue virus that tends to affect children under 10, causing abdominal pain, hemorrhage (bleeding) and circulatory collapse (shock). Known also as dengue hemorrhagic fever (DHF), it starts abruptly with high continuous fever and headache plus respiratory and intestinal symptoms with sore throat, cough, nausea, vomiting, and abdominal pain. Shock occurs after 2 to 6 days with sudden collapse, cool clammy extremities, weak thready pulse, and blueness around the mouth (circumoral cyanosis). There is bleeding with easy bruising, blood spots in the skin (petechiae), spitting up blood (hematemesis), blood in the stool (melena), bleeding gums and nosebleeds (epistaxis). Pneumonia and heart inflammation (myocarditis) may be present. The mortality is appreciable ranging from 6 to 30%. Most deaths occur in children. Infants under a year of age are especially at risk of death. It is also called Philippine or Southeast Asian hemorrhagic fever.


Source: http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=6628